


he's got you listenin' to carly rae jepsen at three a.m.

by hold_hands_with_sociopaths



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crushes, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3883162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hold_hands_with_sociopaths/pseuds/hold_hands_with_sociopaths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	he's got you listenin' to carly rae jepsen at three a.m.

But you’re just a dirty, purple child, aren’t you?

Your hair sticks up to the extent where you should probably wash it, but you don’t do that as often as you should, especially with the way you run your fingers through it like some kinda fuckin’ mad man, gonna rip that shit out. 

Thank god it’s summer, cause that’s when you actually show your face and you start gettin’ your freckles back, the ones that sprinkle your poked cheek bones and the little spots by the elbows. 

You ain’t usually show your arms, but lately, since you been takin’ them new pills, you’ve started not giving a fuck.

You like the new pills, and you like them a lot. Although sometimes you feel like you should stop takin’ them, even though EVERYONE would be disappointed in you. Like they already ain’t, but that’s the kinda shit you like. The funny shit.

The new pills, some big ‘F’ word that ain’t fucker, treat all the shit you got rather well if you do say so yourself. They supposed to fix major depression, anxiety, and OCD. Which was great, since yours was goin’ fuckin’ crazy.

The depression snuck up on you sometimes, more often, but you could feel it fadin’ away. You felt happy, and that was the problem.

You finally figured it out: you felt like you didn’t deserve to be happy. You felt like you deserved to sit in your room, knees hugged up to your ribs and you felt like you deserved to cry at night and try not to sniffle too loud so your brother wouldn’t hear. You felt like you deserved to wash your hands over and over and over and over and over and you felt like pacing your room over and over and over and over would fix the scratching that clawed inside your head and chest. You deserved the rabbit stuck inside you that was always flipping the fuck out.

But you didn’t, and you knew that! You really did! You had… You had motherfuckers who put up with you. You had them to tell you to shut the fuck up when you told them you were the most vile piece of shit in the world, in the universe. You had them.

Well, him.

You had him, who’s eyes were nice and shiny but soaked when he shook with the anxiety that riddled his body. He was too nervous to get himself some help. You don’t know how someone like you did it.

He had the most beautiful hair, even after you convinced him to dye the tips blue after you yourself dyed your dirty mop purple. He kept that shit clean, and soft, and it was always real motherfuckin’ shiny.

He was quiet, but when you spoke to him and got to know him, he melted into conversation like fuckin’ butter and you adored it. While the pills let you spit out hellos these days, he still shook and goddammit if you felt good whenever you could stop it.

When you met his mama, she looked at you up and down, looked at your torn jeans that you hadn’t washed and the purple, thrift store cardigan that was too big on you, and your converses that were covered in paint. She looked at all that, smiled, and said she liked your hair. That’s when you motherfuckin’ knew where you loved him.

When you had an episode, you texted him. You melted into paragraphs of how the motherfuckin’ minstrels weren’t smilin’ on you tonight, how the fear and loneliness was being ripped from your skin with feelings like they was cattails. But he released a single disagreement and said he liked you for you and you told him he was the best thing you had.

When you told him you loved him, and that you wanted him so badly, he told you he knew, and that you were very obvious. When you apologized and tried to laugh away the tears you felt in your throat, because he said he knew and that was the end of you loving him.

Time when on and you fell in love with him. You could tell he was getting more and more comfortable with you, and you went to his house and met his dogs, who wouldn’t let you pet them. But you loved them too. 

Goddammit you loved him. You drew him in math class and you traced the beauty marks on his chin, you knew the exact placement of them fuckers. You met his mom and his dad and you motherfuckin’ knew they talked about you in their bedroom at night but you wasn’t there for them. You loved him more than anything, he was keepin’ a dirty fuckhead like you alive, and kept you on your meds.

If only he loved you back.

**Author's Note:**

> very short gamtav hello
> 
>  
> 
> the carly rae jepsen song is 'i really like you'


End file.
